Jean-Paul Bédard and JP's Team

Leanne
Jul 10, 2016
4 min read

I had the joy earlier this week to meet Jean-Paul Bédard at lunchtime to grab a copy of his book ‘Running into Yourself: Unlock Your Strength, Heal Your Wounds and Find New Life Through Running’. All in all, this was a pretty amazing moment for a few reasons. Firstly, that JP has written this incredible book (which I will write about in a later blog post). Secondly, that I’m meeting him to grab my copy as it was SOLD OUT everywhere and my order was delayed (I was having serious FOMO watching all the posts about his book – I couldn’t wait any longer). Lastly, because this book is the reason that JP and subsequently an amazing community of people have come into my life. Some of it was by chance, some of it was by taking risks. To be honest, even Jean-Paul doesn’t know this whole story until now.

Jean-Paul started following me on Instagram at some point in the spring of 2015 as I was training for my first marathon - the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon. This was totally random - I was fundraising, posting a lot about running, and *may* have been incessantly hash tagging. I remember the add specifically in fact, because when I got the notification I thought – ‘who is this guy? Brooks sponsored elite athlete. Toronto. Cool tattoos. OK – this guy seems legit. I’ll follow him too.’ I clicked ‘follow’ knowing only these few tidbits about him – but nothing about his life’s journey. Over the coming months, I watched his posts and began to learn about his life. He wasn’t just a runner. He was an advocate. As a survivor or childhood sexual abuse and rape, he decided about 3 years ago that he would disclose his trauma – not only to his family, but to the world. In his own words … “I didn’t just pull back the curtain … I tore the fucking thing down. For the first time in 40 years, I was able to say ‘My name is Jean-Paul, and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape.’ Following his story, I was inspired by his courage and his openness.

One day he put out a request for stories from runners for a book he was writing. I knew I had a story to tell. I had a story that was already on paper because it was something I had needed to get off my chest. But I was too scared. Too scared to be vulnerable and tell people how I was really feeling. Too scared of judgement, too scared of rejection. So I didn’t send it. I watched him ask for stories again. And again. Until one night at the end of August 2015, I was sitting alone at home and said to myself ‘Oh fuck it!’ and I hit send.

The next morning on my way to work, I got an email from JP – “Leanne….. This is ‘effin fantastic! If it’s ok with you, I’d love to include it in my book….” I was floored. Tears sprung into my eyes. The struggle I was still experiencing, that I’d been afraid to share – was acknowledged by a complete and utter stranger. A wave of relief washed over me – that maybe what I was going through was real, was legitimate, was not to be ashamed of. I was tired of pretending I was OK. With these few sentences in an email from JP, a weight had been lifted off me.

On October 18th, 2015, I was at KM 37 and in sight of the end of my first marathon. Running in the other direction was the Justice League and as my friend who ran with me the last 8K jetted out to take a picture, I recognized that JP was in the middle running his 3rd marathon of the day for survivors of sexual abuse. I’d still never met JP in person, but was so happy that I got to yell out a few words of encouragement to him. I spent the next KM relaying JP’s triple marathon story to my friend and explaining about the randomness of being included in his book.

In January 2016, JP hosted a ‘fun-run’ which I saw on Facebook. I wanted to meet him in person properly, but once again, the inner critic in me swelled up – can I keep up with these runners? Should I even go? What if he has no clue what I’m talking about when I meet him? Most people who meet me don’t realize that I go through this a lot. That I have an underlying anxiety that swells up inside of me on a regular basis - and the days leading up to something like this are filled with questions, anxiety and doubt. But I went, dragging my best friend along for support. After the 10K run, I fought the natural urge to bolt and hung back, waiting for a change to introduce myself. “Hi, My name is Leanne … I submitted a story for your book … about coming home from Africa.” Instantly JP said “Oh my god wait! Your story is in the book isn’t it? You are SO a part of JPs Team.” I had no idea what that meant at that moment, but I felt relieved.

From that one moment, sitting alone in my apartment where I gathered my inner courage, took a risk to be vulnerable and share my personal struggle in ‘coming home’ with a complete stranger – I have invited such an incredible group of people into my life that continues to grow by the day. I feel so proud when I get to put my JP’s Team singlet on, and run with a diverse team of people that supports each other’s goals whatever they may be. There is nothing I love more than spotting another runner with this singlet.

And to Jean-Paul, you should know – that you have taken your own personal heartache and turned into a beautiful thing. A place where heartache of all kinds can be healed, where loneliness, personal anxieties and insecurities have been chased away. You have created a community of inclusion and belonging. Runner or non-runner, no matter how fast or how slow, has a place that they feel comfortable to call their own. We will continue to stand with you, and advocate for this incredible cause.

#JPsTeam