You Can't Always Get What You Want (or what you train for)

For most of you who know me, after running a solid Chicago marathon in October of last year, about 10 days later I kicked my baseboard heater and ended up in an aircast for 6 weeks. (No, it was not an intentional kick - why does everyone ask me that?!). This meant that at the beginning of 2019 I was once again starting my training from scratch. Sometimes starting over isn’t a bad thing.

This training cycle was not without its challenges. After facing some painful blows at the end of 2018, I was desperate for something positive to focus on. I threw myself into my training, feeling good as I watched my distance climb, and my pace drop.

I went into this year with some lofty goals. I decided to focus on the half marathon to give my body a much needed break from the full marathon. I also decided that I would not revisit the full marathon until I could bring my half marathon time down significantly. Now my A goal is a time goal. My B goal is a PB of any time. My C goal is always to just finish the race.

At the beginning of February, I found out that I would have to leave the job I loved by March. Luckily for me (and thanks to the support of a good friend), I was able to secure a senior position in an area of work that is deeply meaningful to me. Only a few months in, I can tell that this work is not only going to be very satisfying to me professionally, but is also extremely important - especially now. Despite this, a change is a change, particularly when it is unexpected - it is stressful, and it is hard. I was grateful to have my training to keep me grounded and focused through this transition. However, there were also weeks where I know the full extent of what I wanted to do in my training suffered as a result of this transition. While I worked to “get my runs in”, it was other areas such as vital strength training that sometimes were overlooked and fell by the wayside.

Overall, I felt my training during this block was solid. If I am honest with myself, I don’t think I was ready for my A goal - but I definitely felt like by B goal was within reach. Three weeks out from Pittsburgh, I felt a wobble and tweak as I did an early morning speed workout on the treadmill. “Woah, that was close” I remember thinking. I continued my workout, and went to work. Getting up from my desk a few hours later, I was limping. I felt a pain deep in my groin area. Over the week, I continued to stretch and adjusted my runs, but this pain wasn’t going away. After my last long run of 24KM on Easter weekend, I knew it couldn’t be ignored as “normal aches and pains” any longer. Convinced I must have pulled my groin, I spoke to my coach and we decided that I needed to rest. Later that week I saw my massage therapist. After doing a few tests she told me it was actually not my groin, but that my psoas muscle was in complete spasm. Due to my ongoing lower back issues, my body was completely out of whack. In the two weeks leading up to Pittsburgh, I ran twice - both runs were highly uncomfortable and my gaite was completely off. I knew the race that I wanted to run and trained to run over the last 4 months was gone.

Waiting to start Pittsburgh, I stood in the drizzle with Roy, Jade and Suzy. I knew it would be difficult. The four of us stood there willing it all to be over quickly. Jade kept us laughing dancing to her unconventional running playlist (she was playing ‘Everything I Do I Do It For You’ … no joke). Before the race started she looked at me and said “Who cares?! Make it a PB in pictures and high fives.”

PIttsburgh half marathon was a full on struggle-fest for me. I won’t bore you with a kilometre by kilometre play by play of the race. (If you are still reading right now, I’m already impressed). The middle of the race was filled with negative self talk. I wanted to give up. So many negative thoughts about running, about my body, about my life weighed on my mind. As runners we ask so much from our bodies, yet we curse our bodies when they do not respond the way we want them to.

In the last few kilometres I was finally able to check myself. I made the decision to tell my inner voice to just fucking STOP. I looked at the people around me on the course - all dealing with their own struggles at that point in time. Instead of all the negativity, I made the choice to start telling myself something different. You are strong. I love my body for STILL being able to do this. You ARE strong. You CAN do this. This change in mindset carried me through the last few KMs to the finish. Dare I say, even sped me up a bit. (May have also been that downhill grade - but let’s say it was the combo). And yes, I got a PB in picture taking.

At the end of the day, we are all going to hit roadblocks in our training. It doesn’t mean we have to change what want. It means we have to change the way we do the

work to get us to where we want to go. I trained for this race. I put in the work. It didn’t go my way. It reminded me that in training it’s not just about “getting my runs in.” For me it has to be a holistic approach. I need my cross training. I most definitely need my strength training. I also need to make sure I don’t adjust my schedule (for weather and convenience) and put runs that stress my body back to back.

Today I am really happy for the decision I made last year to let the full marathon go for awhile. I need to focus on one distance. It is distance that I truly enjoy. What happened here allows me to reflect on myself, my training, but also be really honest with myself. This is only the beginning and luckily the work is just starting.

Cheers to sore muscles, great beer and full hearts. Y’all make me so grateful for this sport and this struggle we have decided to love.

PS: Chris and Mark ran PBs. Andy (in true fashion) drank every beer offered to him on the full marathon course, ate a meat ball, kissed a dog and amped up to crowd at the finish (he is my hero).

PSS: I was supposed to run Pittsburgh full marathon in 2017 and couldn't because of stress fractures. I still went to the race to support my friends but had lots of FOMO. I was extra pleased to pick up a medal yesterday.